Four Things to Do When You Wonder, “Why, God?”
Do you ever want to ask, “Why, God?” when bad things happen to us and those around us? Struggling to understand God’s ways can often leave us struggling to stand firm in our faith. It can also leave us confused on how we are to comfort and encourage others.
For example, I’ve recently known three friends and acquaintances that have lost their newborn children. Two were born, as one grandmother put it, “with their souls already in heaven.” The other infant was born at 26 weeks and only survived a few hours. There was also a business acquaintance whose 30-year-old son unexplainably did not wake up one morning. There had been no sickness, accident, or warning signs.
While these occurrences make me more aware of the preciousness of life, it also makes me want to hold my own loved ones even closer. And especially, as a mother and a grandmother these things break my heart and leave me asking, “Why, God?”
“Why, God?”
Why did two of these mothers each go through a nine month, seemingly healthy pregnancy, only to have their child born “with their souls already in heaven?”
Why did one mother experience complications, have to endure an early birth with a living and breathing (albeit small) baby, only to have to let her go a few hours later?
Why did this man have to lose an adult child for no apparent reason and with no warning, when it seems the flow of life should follow the path of parents going first?
These are only three examples where I’ve found myself asking, why does God allow bad things to happen to people we know and care about? There are several additional instances that have burdened my heart.
More “Why, God?” Instances
Why does my sister-in-law who had overcome breast cancer in 2017, have it return as Metastatic Breast Cancer a little over two years later? Hasn’t she fought a good enough fight to entitle a longer respite than that? Now she’s facing an ongoing battle moving forward.
Why did a co-worker lose her cherished 18-year-old grandson in an auto accident, leaving me praising God that my 18-year-old son was safe and able to graduate from high school? And why do I continue to feel guilty over this?
Why do I see God working in the life of a friend who had a stroke, was left pretty much unresponsive, but daily allows us to see little steps of her coming back to us?
There have been many more “why’s” over the years. As of yet, God has not explained these things to me in simple, understandable terms that satisfy my curiosity. However, the Holy Spirit has helped me to accept them as God’s will and reminded me that “His ways are not my ways.” (Isaiah 55:8-9)
I believe this is faith—acceptance of what is, understanding that God is in control, and being confident that God understands the impact of what has happened.
Four Step Process Towards Acceptance
If you sometimes struggle with “why?”, I would like to share four things that help me work through the process of wondering “why?” to acceptance of “what is.”
“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. 9 For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9 NLT
1. Pray. I pray, not necessarily for God to give me the outright answer (although that would be nice), but I pray for the understanding and faith to realize that nothing happens that He is not aware of or is surprised about. (See what he told the nation of Israel in Deuteronomy 31:8):
Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; he will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Deuteronomy 31:8 NLT
In addition, I pray that something good will come out of the tragic circumstances or faith challenge and that a life or lives will be touched and turned around to accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior. I ask God to use me by showing me what I might do for Him in this situation other than pray. Is there an action I should take? This leads me into step #2.
2. Pray for the person(s) who’s hurting. Using Psalm 73:26 and John 14:27, I pray that the person or persons who are hurting will be surrounded by the Holy Spirit, feel the peace of His Presence, and be strengthened by seeing God working in their lives and the lives of those around them. God will not leave them alone. He is with them always.
“My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.” Psalm 73:26 NLT
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14:27 NLT
3. Follow through on whatever God is leading you to do. Is he simply wanting you to continue in prayer? Does he need you to reach out in person, with a visit, phone call, text, or e-mail, etc.? Does he want you to use this circumstance to counsel other people, reassuring them they are not alone in their suffering? Whatever it is, take courage and be obedient to what God is asking you to do.
When you obey my commandments, you remain in my love, just as I obey my Father’s commandments and remain in his love. John 15:10-14 NLT
4. Remember God’s promise: Jesus is with us always, in all things, in everything we do. (see Matthew 28:20 and Hebrews 13:15)
Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you. And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” Matthew 28:20 NLT
. . . God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” Hebrews 13:5 NLT
My hope is to encourage you for when you experience the “whys” in this life. God is not going to punish us for our times of doubt, fear, hurt, and even our anger when things go awry in our lives. He understands our confusion and pain. His deepest desire is for us to use these times to seek Him, find Him, and grow in our relationship with Him.
CLOSING PRAYER
Heavenly Father,
I praise you, Father, as God Almighty, and thank you for the reassurance of knowing that (1) nothing happens that you are not aware of and (2) you are always with us, no matter the circumstance.
Forgive me when my faith falters and doubt and guilt overwhelm me. It hurts to watch other people hurt and sometimes the tragedies and challenges we face, or watch other people face, just seem so senseless.
These are the times I must remind myself that “your ways are higher than my ways.” I’m limited by my human nature. You, however, as God are not limited in any way. You can use every situation, every pain, or every tear, to bring glory to Your Kingdom.
Please help me to be compassionate towards those who are enduring hardships. Guide me in how I might pray for them, comfort them, and walk beside them during their difficult times.
I ask also that you help me to be obedient to what you lead me to do for others. I must hold fast to the knowledge that You are present in every situation and there are times my interference may hinder the good that might come out of the grief, sadness, or anger.
Father, I love you, and praise you as my ever-present, everlasting, Heavenly and Holy Father. And I thank you that even when I don’t get the answers to my “why, God?” questions, I am assured of the eternal hope that I, and all your children, have in You.
I pray all these things in Jesus’ name,
Amen
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All scripture taken from: Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
